Romance is defined by our personal expectations. Definitions vary from person to person and is usually not the same for a man and a woman.
In this post, I will share with you my personal journey of romance.
My husband and I teach a young marrieds Sunday School class and conduct marriage seminars. In split sessions, I always let the girls in on the BIGGEST SECRET for ROMANCE.
So here it is.
He can't read your mind.
You already knew that didn't you? But if we know this, why do we (including myself) expect differently?
Here's the key to using the secret weapon.
The greatest source of disappointment is unmet expectations. We expect, don't receive and then become disappointed. Don't buy into that lie of "if I have to tell him, then it will mean nothing." Have you tried it?
Here's the story of how I learned to use the key.
I'm the biggest sap for romance. My hubby is the practical type. But that does not stop this girl from dreaming. You've probably seen my glasses by now.
Before we married, I fantasized about how romantic the wedding day would be. It would start with a knock on the door and there awaiting would be a special gift from my beloved. You've seen it on the movies or read it in a book. After all, this is where we get most of our crazy expectations. Most men do not read these books or watch these movies, except when forced, so they are kind of out of the loop. Doc
He's not a romantic, at least not the storybook kind. He's Dr. Consistent. I lovingly embrace that trait preferring daily kindness and consideration over expensive gifts.
Gifts are icing on the cake.
I want to have my cake and eat it too.
I decided we would have THE fairy tale day and informed Doc. As always, he agreed to my whimsy. (Love him.) I explain this
Oh for shame! Did I ask for a gift? You bet your little storybook heart!
A few days before the wedding, we were out buying last minute things on a zapped budget. As we walked by the perfume counter, I casually mentioned, "Ralph Lauren perfume smells so good but I am not spending anything else." It seemed frivolous when we had out of town guests coming, dinners to host, loose ends to tie up and most of all, our dream honeymoon coming up.
Fast forward to the blissful day. The girls and I were getting ready when there was a knock at the door. A card was peeking out from under the door. We all froze and stood at attention until finally someone decided to open the door.
There it sat. My fantasy - in the form of a big gorgeous gift wrapped box complete with shiny pink satin ribbon and a bow.
I mean, doesn't it feel good when others see how romantic your man is?
All eyes turned to me as I carefully opened the envelope with trembling hands, and then in a trembling voice read his handwritten, earth moving, love message inside.
There was not a dry eye in the room. At that point, I don't think anyone really cared what was in the box.
He got it.
He really got it!
I untied the satin ribbon and opened the lid. Yep, you guessed it.-a huge collection of RL Romance perfumes and lotions.
Oh yeah, he triple got it.
Talking about feeling special! I know perfume is not a big ticket gift but it was priceless to me! Another light bulb moment- have realistic expectations!
I didn't dare let the girls in on my little "secret." It might have tainted the moment.
My heart rang out, "I am marrying my soul mate, my man of romance!"
That day romance was redefined for me. I discovered the moment was no less special than if he had done it on his own. The longer we are married the less requests I have to make. He knows me, knows what I want. Why? Not because he's clairvoyant but because I am teaching him. Never demanding, never expecting. Communication works. That's all I can say ladies. It works.
Maybe you are blessed to be married to Dr. Romance. Please do not wave it in the face of any Mrs. Consistent. We are thrilled that our man loves us enough to give us exactly what we want, even when we have to ask for it. The real blessing is having a man who wants to please you.
If you ask me, it's a win-win.
May your heart be filled with romance and your mind be filled with reasonable expectations.